Thursday, May 15, 2014

The Fuckers - The Last Album Before We Change Our Name And Sell Out - Released on Blank Face Records - May 17, 2014

The claim is that this is the most fun band in Chicago. Its been a while since I've been to Chicago, but I'm willing to bet that this assertion is probably the most true thing I've read so far this year.

I've enjoyed the hell out of these guys for years now and naturally jumped at the chance to review their newest release The Last Album Before We Change Out Name And Sell Out, which shall henceforth be referred to as TLA...  due to it being too fucking long to repeatedly type - thanks Fuckers! 

The Fuckers are two dudes named Mark, a guy named Phil, and a Luke, just like in the bible, and just like in the bible, these guys know how to drink beer, fart, and day dream about one day getting a righteous piece of ass.... Just like in the bible.. All hail the Flying Spaghetti Jesus.

Being familiar with this band and their lyrical content I couldn't wait to get to my office today and crank this thing up for my unsuspecting coworkers. I got the response I had been hoping for, a proper mixture of disgust, revulsion, and noticeable looks of disdain from pretty much everyone around. Score point one! Okay, headphones on now, fuck the top-buttoners around here - I have work to do and this is just the kind of music to get work done to. This album is so good it can make scraping dog shit off the bottom of your shoe fun.

TLA.. starts off as a vulgarity laden assault to common decency and finishes much in the same way.  9 tracks, 19 minutes. Just enough time to beat off, clean up and eat that burrito you were warming up in the 7-Eleven microwave. Thanks for the memories Ashoka. TLA... really takes off on track 4 I'm in a Band, Do you Wanna Fuck Me. Rarely has a band written a more honest song and rarely has this actually ever worked for any band - ever. Give Us $$$ continues on with the rockstar mentality theme, I seriously hope these kids didn't genuinely expect to get slathered in cash and poontang when they aspired to be punk rockers. Has Glen Danzig taught them nothing? Mark's Magic Dick is another standout track mainly for the speedy little guitar riffs and vocals that sound like they were forced through a throat that had just been burnt.

Wagon Wheel follows suit in terms of speed and vocal smoothness, lyrically, I'm not sure what the fuck is happening, I just know I need a stiff drink.

The closing track on this album is one that I can most relate to, being that I was raised in a home  that attended the great Southern Fire & Brimstone "Let's bring on the Apocalypse!!" churches. I was promised an apocalypse! Jesus Ate Christmas, bring it the fuck on!!!

All-In-All this is one great fucking album! Rumor has it the album title is actually a true story, these guys plan to cease being the Fuckers. I'll grant you a moment to tear up or cum in your sock or whatever your need to do..

Its seems the Marks, the Phil, and the Luke were visited by an angel that told them that if they ever expected to get pussy from being in a band they needed to start a Gospel Quartet because church pussy is the best pussy because them girls are more comfortable on their knees.

Anywho! As usual, don't take my word for it - give this bitch a listen and grab a copy for yourselves and be sure to check the Fuckers out before they are gone for good.

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